| my mind is racing |
[18 Aug 2006|12:46am] |
There are certain things that I've been thinking about a lot lately...mainly concerning those around me. I feel as though I haven't confronted issues about myself and that I've ignored my personal responsibilities. All summer long I've wondered why I've been treated the same way by totally different people. The pattern has repeated itself over and over and each time I come out feeling abandonned. I feel that there are definitely relationships in my life that are solid and intangible...but once I start thinking about romantic relationships again, I face them with such carelessness that I fail to realize that finding something genuine isnt always as easy as it was the first time.
I blindly expected all the people I dated had good intentions when really, I should have been wayyy more cautious. And then I sit here and act surprised that people who like me aren't always going to be interested in my happiness. They act in their best behavior until they know that I've become hopeful, they go through all the obligations like chores until they get rewarded with what they want. And if they dont get what they want, they ditch out and find the next person who might be willing.
I've learned that I'm just way too trusting of people. Sometimes I just know whether or not someone I meet isn't going to be reliable, but when you're flawed like me...and you crave emotional attachment, it's easy to ignore those things and just hope for what you want. THAT IS WRONG. VERY WRONG. I know better, but there's this drive for me to attain a higher form of human connection and damnit, I always look for that from the wrong people. I know that for now I'm better off alone, but being alone keeps me thinking about all the shit that I allowed to happen to me. It reminds me that the reason why I'm alone (and sad) is because I trusted people with my feelings, hoping and thinking that they wouldnt use them against me. The way that people interact is irrational and cruel.
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| i'm a sick sonuva bitch. that means survey time |
[31 Jul 2006|10:10pm] |
so here I am...sick in bed with my laptop warming my lap. it is time for a survey.
What time are you starting this?: 1011
Name?: My Anh Chung
Nicknames?: Mia, Din, Mi, Mama
Date of birth?: 01/31/86
Sex?: Female
Height?: 5'5"
Eye color?: dark brown
Where were you born?: Portland, OR
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?: 20
Pets?: 0
Hair color?: black
Piercings?: ears, industrial
Town you live in?: Tigard
Favorite foods?: Fruit, soup, icecream, nonmeat
Ever been to Africa?: no
Been toilet papering?: no.
Love someone so much it made you cry?: yeah sing it, Brandy
Been in a car accident?: myes.
Croutons or bacon bits?: croutons
Favorite day of the week?: This week, it's a tie between Wednesday (my day off) and Friday (payday)
Favorite resturant?: I hate restaurants.
Favorite flower?: Chrysanthemums
Favorite sport to watch?: basketball
Favorite drink?: coffee, juice, water
Favorite Alcoholic Drink?: gt's, grey goose, certain beers, apple orchards, JELLO SHOTS
Favorite ice cream flavor?: Vanilla, mint choco chip
Warner Bros. or Disney?: disney
Favorite fast food restuarant?: tacobell or dairy queen
Carpet color in your bedroom?: off-white
How many times did you fail your driver's test?: zero
Whom did you get your last email from?: probably my sister
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?: oh shoot...h&m, harputs, the mac store...
What do you do most often when you are bored?: pick my ass...or read, internets, etc.
Most annoying thing to say to me?: UHHHH I WANT A BEWWWTH
Bedtime?: n/a
Favorite TV show?: declassified...or that philosophy show on opb
Last person you went out to dinner with?:: probably Dan. We always go out to eat.
Been out of country?: yes a couple times.
Believe in magick?: I havent researched it enough.
Ford or Chevy?: Chevy
What are you listening to right now?: ESPN
Have you ever failed a grade?: incomplete?
If you have, what grade did you fail?: //////////
Do you have a crush on someone?: oh gosh this is one of the rare moments in my life when I can say NO I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON SOME STUPID DOUCHE!!!
Do you have a bf/gf?: no.
If so, what is their name?: n/a
How long have you been together?: 0
What are you wearing right now?: sweatpants and a black slip shirt.
Would you have sex before marriage?: too late.
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?: HAHA YES!!
Are you a virgin?: no.
Do you smoke?: yes, but not now because I'm sick.
Do you drink?: on occasion.
Are you ghetto?: Just look at my room and decide for yourself.
Are you a player?: No, I just crush a lot.
What are your favorite colors?: black, white, green, red
What is your favorite animal?: don't know.
Do you have any birthmarks?: kind of.
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?: figuratively, yes. whatever that means haha.
Who do you talk to most on the phone?: Dan
Have you ever been slapped?: no, but Kim was thiiiiis close to slapping me at Doug's bday party because she kept asking everyone to slap her so she can slap them back.
Do you get online a lot?: you know it.
Are you shy or outgoing?: it depends
Do you shower?: yeah.
Do you hate school?: sometimes.
Do you have a social life?: sometimes.
How easily do you trust people?: yes and no. I used to, but now I dont.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?: probably not.
Would you ever sky dive?: yeah.
Do you like to dance?: yes.
Have you ever been out of state?: of course.
Do you like to travel?: mmhmmm
Have you ever been expelled from school?: no.
Have you ever been suspended from school?: nope.
Do you want to get out of your hometown?: definately.
Are you spoiled?: no.
Are you a brat?: no.
Have you ever been dumped?: haha yes.
Have you ever gotten high?: yeah.
Do you like snapple?: oh man sooo 90's.
Do you drink a lot of water?: kinda.
What toothpaste do you use?: tom's
Do you have a cell phone?: yeah.
Do you have a curfew?: aw nah hell nah
Who do you look up to?: my sis, some coworkers
Are you a role model?: to who?
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?: no.
What name brand do you wear the most?: I consistently wear levi's jeans, but that's pretty much it as far as brands go.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?: my 14g 1.5"er, jade bracelet, grandma's jade frog necklace. Damn I didnt realize how much jewelry I wore.
What do you want pierced?: other things
Do you like takin pictures?: no.
Do you like gettin your picture taken?: no.
Do you have a tan?: haha yes! I used to be a ghost bitch but walking to the bus everyday has turned me brown.
Do you get annoyed easily?: yeah.
Have you ever started a rumor?: nope.
Do you have your own phone or phone line?: yes
Do you have your own pool?: no
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?: i honestly dont care
Do you have any siblings?: yes
Who are they? How old are they?: Tony, Charlie, MyPhuong: 23, 25, and 27
Have you ever been played?: oh yes
Have you ever played anyone?: probably
Do you get along with your parents?: yes
How do you vent your anger?: I call someone or sit alone somewhere
Have you ever ran away?: no.
Have you ever been fired from a job?: nope.
Do you even have a job?: yeah.
Do you daydream a lot?: always.
Do you have a lot of ex's?: one, everyone else didnt mean much to me.
Do you run your mouth?: more than I'd like to.
What do you want a tattoo of?: 2 sj roses with a flag on each side saying "zeit geist"
What does your ex bf/gf look like?: n/a
What does your most recent crush look like?: he was cute and very skinny.
Whats her/his name?: Daniel
Have you ever been bitched out?: once I think.
Are you rude?: no. and I hate rude people.
What was the last compliment you recieved?: Something about my outfit.
Do you like getting dirty?: um...no.
Are you flexiable?: no.
What is your heritage?: Vietnamese + Chinese
What is your lucky number?: 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8
What does your hair look like right now?: messy.
Could you ever be a vegetarian?: But...I am!
Describe your looks?: ...first few questions.
If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?: I would put some copper in it. that, or make it more black.
Would you ever date someone younger than you?: probably not, but it could happen.
Would you ever date someone older than you?: yeah.
When was the last time you were drunk?: On Saturday
How many rings until you answer the phone?: Whenever I hear it.
Have you ever been skinny dipping?: I think so. It was long ago.
If yes, when was the last time?: Probbly over 2 years ago
When was the last time you went on a date?: umm..months and months ago
Do you look more like your mother or father?: my mom.
Do you cry a lot?: nope.
Do you ever cry to get your way?: no
What phrase do you use most when on the phone?: haha
Are you the romantic type?: it depends on who I'm with.
Have you ever been chased by cops?: no
What do you like most about your body?: my fuckin buff ass arms
What do you like least about your body?: my tubs of luv
When did you have your first crush?: kindergarden.
When was the last time you threw up?: yesterday morning before work
In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?: I dont have a preferance on hair color.
Do you ever wear shirts do show your belly?: no.
What about cleavage?: cleavage? haha whats that?
Is your best friend a virgin?: no.
Have you ever fucked someone up?: yes, daily
Have you ever been fucked up?: in what way? hah.
What theme does your room have?: no theme. it looka like a whore's den.
What size show do you wear?: 7
What is your screen name on AIM?: hakkaness
How are you feeling right now?: sick sick sick
When was the last time you were at a party?: Saturday
Have you ever given a lapdance?: YES, happy birthday Doug!!! Kara and I double teamed him.
Have you ever recieved one?: YES thank you Kara, it was lovely.
Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?: I hope so.
What is one of your bad qualilties?: I'm impatient, I never say no, and I spend money rapidly.
What is one of your good qualilties?: I spit mad game.
Would you marry for money?: never.
What do you drive?: no car. I used to drive a '98 black cherry camry LE
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?: neither
When was the last time you cried in school?: Probably right before finals.
Would you ever hook up with the same sex?: yeah probably.
What kind of music do you like?: all sorts.
Would you ever bungee jump?: yeah.
What is your worst fear?: dying alone, heights, being injured or seriously ill
Would you ever join the army?: probably not.
Do you like cows?: I guess I do.
If you were to die today, what would you do?: As much as I can.
If you had one last word to say to someone before you die, what would it be?: bye
Do you like to party?: yes
Hearts or broken hearts?: what?
Moons or stars?: stars
Coke or pepsi?: I dont drink soda.
Favorite scent?: lavendar
Favorite band?: don't know.
Would you ever dye your hair red?: I have, and I probably will again.
How many languages can you speak?: 1.5
What time are you finishing this?: 1047 damn girl
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| You sicko |
[31 Jul 2006|05:21pm] |
So I'm sick...yay. I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but my throat hurts and I have very low energy. It probably had something to do with working 7 days straight with overtime and not sleeping enough. I'm at my mom and dad's house because that's where I go every time I get sick. They have everything: food, internet, TV, medicine. I'd feel trapped staying in my apartment.
Today I had the weirdest dream about me and Ryan robbing a bank during a heat wave. I regretted it instantly and tried to give Ryan all the money so I wouldnt get in trouble. It was weird. I also read some more of my DMT book today. I got a bunch of people at work interested in the SPIRIT MOLECULE. Only one person knew what DMT was. Hopefully I didnt turn them into a bunch of users. I've been watching a lot of tv too. I havent really watched tv in a long time, partly because I dont have cable at my apartment and partly because I dont have time. I watched a program on the Hitler Channel (that's what my former anthropology instructer used to call it) about the anti-Christ and now I'm watching "Declassified: John Lennon". Pretty interesting stuff. For being sick and lazy, I feel like I've accomplished a lot today. Damn.
OH...I need to get a fake very soon. doseone's coming in sept and I must see him. I'm almost tempted to ask one of my regular customers if I can buy her ID, but that would be very unprofessional and inappropriate.
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